My Short Comings

We took you to a blueberry farm on Friday. It was a PD day and your dad was off. We drove all the way up there, stopping briefly to look at that lodge house I like. Dad doesn’t like it, but I like it because the kitchen is gigantic and the loft upstairs would be a library. Then we went to Irving Big stop for burgers and fries. At the farm, there were manual go-carts and a long slide that you said was too slow. Then the corn maze. my knee hurt and I was tired but I immediately realized that my parents never would have taken me in. So we took you in. You led the way. The whole way. And then you and dad spent half an hour on those cars again while I looked at Christmas ornaments. You laughed when you saw a stuffed Snoopy at the mall and the lady at Coles was awkward when I asked to sign my own book. 

Today after church I took you to Michaels’ to buy a craft. You chose beads with letters and then switched to an owl made with beads. Then we chose stencils but you spent the afternoon playing with the owl.

Then we yelled at the Giants game.


Sometimes I get lonely bud. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have any friends. I’m shy and awkward and I always say the wrong thing. 

I just want you to know that you and dad are good friends to me.

I hope you and I are always good friends.

i wish you could be 8 forever…




You’ve told me about two of your dreams.

you told me that you have a recurring nightmare about the skin on your hands peeling off. Did I do that to you? Did I freak you out over athlete’s foot spreading? I wanted you to take it seriously but I didn’t want to scare you. I’m so sorry. Or is it because of your eczema? Oh I hate that you have it. I don’t even know what to do. You have an appointment this Friday. Hopefully we can get it fixed. Your poor skin.

your other dream, you told me and Dad in the kitchen. You said. Ou had a dream that an older, bureau tidal lady was trying to kiss you. I prayed immediately that you wouldn’t get ideas in your head that were sexual. You are only eight. You said she looked like She-ra. I worried about the outfit giving you ideas. You said she had a princess dress and she wanted a kiss and you ran away. But you were blushing. And I loved it. But I hate it. 

Youre only eight.

please, please stop growing.

i love you. Thank you for still being willing to hold my hand.