Your Song

Tonight you went to bed later than normal. You usually go up at 8, although we’ve decided you would go up at 7:30 and then you could read for awhile so that Dad and I could have more alone time before bed.  But tonight I let you stay up a little. And sure enough, half an hour after I tucked you in, you came downstairs. Your eyes hopeful and your huge grin as you leaned against the a or frame and asked if I could sing that song and tickle your face. I snarled at you to get up upstairs and you giggled and ran, your padded feet in your skull and cross bones onesie flapping up the stairs. And as I stomped my feet going up, I could hear your bunk bed shift and groan as you climbed right in. 

When you were a baby, I needed a song to sing to you as I rocked you to sleep, as I tried to soothe you from your tummy aches, your stuffy colds. I started off with ‘You are my Sunshine’, but it’s kind of sad. And I only know the one verse. So as I rocked you in the blue padded glider, you tightly swaddled against me, I sang very softly to you:

‘I have decided, to follow Jesus,

I have decided, to follow Jesus,

I have decided, to follow Jesus,

no turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow,

though none go with me, still I will follow,

though none go with me, still I will follow no turning back, no turning back.

the road ahead of me, the world behind me,

the road ahead of me, the world behind me,

the road ahead of me, the world behind me

 no turning back, no turning back, no turning back, no turning back.’

 

and as I did this, I would gently caress and tickle your face. Over and over in little circles. As you grew, Dad would go in and give you face tickles at bedtime. Almost every single night. I was worried you’d get addicted to it, but then I realized, how could I possibly withhold any affection? Especially to you?  

And I know I can’t sing. I know that I get smelly breath and my voice cracks. But tonight you asked me to sing. And I hadn’t done it since you last had a tummy ache.  And when the first verse came out of my scratchy throat, you smiled at me, with your eyes closed, your long lashes touching your cheek and said, ‘you have a great voice’.

and that was just so sweet.

thank you.

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