November 2

Hey little man.

It’s 9:31 and I’ve just tucked you in. The clocks go back tonight and you slept in until 8:30, so I let you stay up. Last night was my surprise birthday party at postino’s in almonte.  My best friend, Gigi, picked me up at 6:15 and we started dinner. I turned my head to look at the door and I saw your smiling face with your Toby Mac toque and I looked away, because it felt like you were there to pick me up, or you and Dad were just passing through because sometimes when I work out at the gym, the two of you swing by on your bikes for a kiss. Which is awesome.

Last night you gave me a pair of pink, tyrannosaurus rex earrings. They are so cool.  Your dad gave me a delicate, pearl pendant necklace. The two of you went to bayshore to find it. I told him when it was time for you to marry, that he should buy me a pearl necklace. I guess he decided a little pearl would suffice for now. Although I don’t ever expect him to buy me the expensive kind. I just want one that doesn’t snap apart. I told you that you should give it to your granddaughter when she turns 18.

Tonight we snuggled and we began watching ‘pollyanna’. It’s such an incredible movie and of course it’s frustrating watching it because of all the ‘adult nuances’ that I have to explain to you. We talked about pride, about God’s wrath, about His love.

You’re so adorable.

For hallowe’en, your father spray painted a garbage can, white. Then the two of you broke out the silver and blue duct tape and you created an r2-d2 costume. It was insanely cool. Like, crazy cool.  And you were so cute in it.  Everyone loved it and you loved their compliments. And I don’t blame you. But try to remember not to strive for people to compliment you. They can’t affirm you. Only God can do that.  I’ve had people stop complimenting me years ago. It’s ok. You get used to it. God is what matters.

We are currently trying to buy this big ol’ silly house in plum hollow.  It’s on 240 acres and something about the deeds being strange and the owner wanting too much money for it all. It’s only $350, but we really don’t have that kind of money. And it needs a new roof. But we love it, because it’s ridiculous and it has a creek running through it and all we can imagine when we see it, is living in the wilderness. Walking in the creek, maybe catching fish. Chasing frogs, catching snakes, shooting groundhogs.  I don’t know what God has planned. It’s pretty far away.  We will be obedient to God, no matter what. Even though we’re tired of living here in our house. We’ve been here almost 7 years. That’s the longest I have ever lived in a house, except for when I was 9-18.  And I do love my house. A lot. but still. A double car garage would be nice…

Homeschooling is going well, I think. We always talk while you’re learning or I’m teaching and you’re very patient with me. I hope I’m patient with you, too.  You still get frustrated when you don’t understand it immediately.  But keep being patient, babe. And if you don’t get it, keep trying, or ask for help.

Gymnastics is incredible. You love it. I mean, you’re stuck in a class with 7 year olds girls who giggle a lot, but you’ve already climbed the gym rope to the ceiling, you’ve mastered a quick handstand, and last week you had to vault over some huge…cushion things and you kinda fell off. You stood up and laughed and rubbed your head, and then while you walked to the back of the line, I gave you my ‘are you ok?’, and you nodded, but then I could see the tears and you came in for a snuggle. It really shocked you. But you went back out there and did it again. Tough dude.

We just got back from Tennessee two weeks ago. It was a wonderful vacation. We had some serious quality time and you were so polite with our house-hosts.  Your dad and I had some good conversation, because up until then, we’d been fighting. It got pretty ugly.

Your father is an incredible man. He’s so kind and so funny. You know he is. Heavens knows why he picked me.  But whenever May comes around and tree work picks up, he gets his mind set into work and forgets us. Forgets that we need him. Socially. And for some reason, this year, he didn’t come back.  Our counsellor, Tom, thinks he’s having a mid-life crisis and maybe he is, but I’m not going to say that.  He is figuring out that only God can make him happy. Not circumstances, not me.  So we’ve talked and I think we’re better. Men like to fix things immediately. And women just want a sympathetic ear. So make sure you give your bride a sympathetic ear. She needs to talk and she needs you to care.

Well, tomorrow I turn 40.  I don’t feel 40. Someone remarked to me today that I didn’t look 40. And I said, ‘you’re right. It’s because I dress like an overgrown child’.  While wearing a ‘fight club’ tshirt and jeans with patches. Yep, that’s me.  Ten years ago, I was pregnant with you.  It’s been an incredible 10 years, little man. I don’t even look at it as me getting older, but you getting older. I’ve got some silver in my hair and some wrinkles that make me sad.  But dang, I look good!

I’m thinking of my mother.  I’ve been thinking of her often. Especially lately after she decided not to tell me that my grandmother (her mother) died and they had the funeral.  I’m not angry. Frankly, I’m not even surprised.  But I pray for her. She is so lost, and so sad, and so hurt.  I pray she finds true joy in God.

Anyway, little man.  Here’s praying you still like holding my hand for a little while longer and that you’ll still give me snuggles and that you’ll still kiss my cheek.

I love you. And I love being your mom.