A New Year

Hey little man,

You are downstairs right now, on the big blue couch, knitting. Well, actually, you’re looming. You’ve decided you want to knit a toque. So you are. Just sitting there, focused. You have incredible focus. It’s amazing.

Yesterday we went to the family Christmas party.  We tried to keep an eye on you and your cousins playing because we know that one cousin will always say or do inappropriate things when the grown-ups aren’t around. We did our best to prepare you. We helped you with words to say.  Your father stayed with you as long as he could. And in those 4 minutes he wasn’t there, words were said. Your cousin kept hitting his sister with a ball. And you told him to stop. Then he asked you if you knew the meaning of a word. You answered, ‘No, and I don’t want you to tell me.’  Which was very brave of you.  Of course you don’t remember the word he said, so I’m very glad of that. I can only imagine what the word was. And it breaks my heart that your cousin has all this ‘knowledge’ and wants to stir up the pot by talking about it. Why does he know all of these things? What has happened to him?

One thing I do know, is that when a child knows too much or has seen too much, it means something fell off the wagon. Whether through not-so-great parenting or through an abusive they had suffered and are acting out on it. Always be aware that someone is always hurting somewhere deep down in their hearts.

I’m so proud of you.

I’m currently reading a book on how to talk to your child about sex. Because I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m trying to be brave about it, reading through their suggestions.  Today you and I are going to discuss how a pimple is formed and how to get rid of it.  Which will be easy. I can only imagine how it will get harder. I am so thankful your father is around for this, because I have no idea what I would say about boys going through puberty.

My advice for today is: stay compassionate. You have such a huge heart, little man. I don’t know how it could be full of so much love, but it is.

I love you.



December 2013

Hey little man,

You are currently in the bathtub next door to me.  You’ve filled the tub with too much water. Again. And you’re just soaking in it with all of your black sock lint floating around.

It’s been a hard few days for us.  Homeschooling did not go well on Thursday and Friday.  I don’t know if I wasn’t teaching it to you properly or if you were being lazy…I had such a temper.  Friday didn’t go well. Saturday was insane as I tried decorating the house for a ladies tea party on the Sunday, and Dad took you to gymnastics. You both came home and I was in the zone.  Then I had to go out that night to a party and fell asleep quite late. Sunday we went to church and when we got home, I had so much more to do and the two of you were no help. I kicked you out.

I don’t know why I have such a temper. I’m tired I think. But that doesn’t sound right. I’m … really missing some alone time. The little time I get to be alone, I get to go to the gym. And then I come home. That’s it.  Sigh. I am really praying that this goes better.

Today at drumming, I spoke to your teacher about your progress. He said he was impressed that you’ve already mastered 140 (?) so quickly and that most students take years to get that.

Nice job, little man.

I love you. A lot.